I got a phone call from my sister in law a while ago which was her failed attempt of trying to create some kind of bridge. Apparently her brother went back to Philadelphia singing a woe is me tune that some how they all bought and she called me to defend her brother smh after I clued her in on the REAL story she was stuck and came out swinging with "Can't no woman raise no man and all those women talking 'bout I'm mother and father can come up off all that" and I QUOTE!
Initially I rolled my eyes at the ignorance, when you've lost an argument bow out and shut up ::sigh:: but I have to be honest and say it struck me because it was the first time someone had spoken my only fear about this whole break up. We have not seen him since he left, the last time I heard him he was blaming me for him running away from home and while I would prefer that he stay gone with all that nonsense I worried about what this meant for Chunks.
WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT BEING A BOY?!?! I grew up with boys, was a tomboy all through high school, knew a lot of street and intellectual men so I know what it should look like but when he has those "boy" thoughts, how do I relate? If he's around me more than anyone else how do I differentiate what girls do vs what boys do? If I sit on the step like a lady how do I show him how a man is supposed sit? All these little things crept up on me and put a fear in me.
This was my first real time looking at me team. He's with me the majority of the time but he sees my father and brother on a daily basis, very manly men. I've chosen a great guy as his god-father who I hope he gets to spend more time with as he gets older but with whom he has a pretty cool relationship with so far so it can only get better. Since I was a tomboy I still have a lot of male friends that I grew up with around and they love him just because he's mine. So I do have a pretty decent group around me that can influence the man Chunks becomes so I don't HAVE to know everything about being a guy, but raising a good man, I Got THAT! And what boys do and what girls do? JUST SAY SO lol crazy what we'll allow our heads to think when we doubt ourselves. I say ALL that to say, never let anyone put their insecurities and narrow thinking on you because that's NOT your burden to carry. Play the hand you were dealt the best way you know how and let God work the rest. I won't be a single mom forever (speaking it into existence) but MOMMY is the job I hope to excel in.